I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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