he puts the penis in happiness.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
