Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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