we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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