Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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