dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
