Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
