I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
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