I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
