I think scott just propositioned me for sex
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
