i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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