my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
