i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
