I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
It's never too late to be topless.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
