Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
