I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
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