Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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