Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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