I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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