I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
