They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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