You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
