at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
