I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
