I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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