i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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