My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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