what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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