I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
