ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Randomize
