somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
