no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
