its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
