dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
