At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
