Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
