Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
