Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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