That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
