I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
