just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
