Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Randomize
