i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
