babies were throwing up all over the place
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
