im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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