this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
