i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
