you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
