At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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