When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
