i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
