The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
