No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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