Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
