god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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