I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
