I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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