i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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