Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
