I am in a vortex of obligation.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
