Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
