we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
