girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
