I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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