so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
