Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
