what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
