so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
