last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
