I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
