That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize