Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Randomize
