Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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