i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
