Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize