Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
