I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
