mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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