my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
