It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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