Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
We're too hungover to prance.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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