So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize