I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
