That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
