then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
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