btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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