you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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