does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
