Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Your cock deserves a montage
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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